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Show us thy men, Oh God

Dear Lord, I know you say your ways are not our ways but sometimes I can’t help but feel that you deliberately make it impossible for us to understand your ways. After all these years, don’t you think it’s about time you demystified some of the things you do?

For example, I find it very difficult to understand why in the modern era some people can wake up one morning, still drooling, to proclaim that you have “called” them. They hardly have anything to show for this “call” – no itemized bills and no text messages, no certificates, no receipts. There is absolutely nothing to decipher who they have been speaking to in the dead of the night. We don’t know whether they had been hallucinating, in which case they might need psychiatric evaluation or whether they have hatched a plot to throw dust into our eyes, in which case they ought to be arrested for fraud.

All they say is that they have been “called” and once they start claiming they have been “called” by you, we the mere mortals who were not privy to whatever he saw or heard, lose every right to question their deeds and misdeeds.

So when a man claiming to have been called by you has an extramarital affair, he warns us that we should not discuss it or question him because we are enjoined not to touch your “anointed” – 1 Chronicle 16:22? To make matters worse, this guy walks into a radio station where his infidelity is being discussed and smashes every glass structure on sight and he has the nerve to threaten to bring tragedy into the life of anyone who dares to talk about the subject?

Oh Lord, my God, forget about the song but I am really in awesome wonder. This so-called Bishop Obinim makes me sick and I wonder why you allow him to walk around proclaiming that you have called him to do all the stupid, unholy things he has been doing. To tell you the truth, I have been wondering about him for a long time and his latest transgressions are just the tissue on the dung he has been spewing out in your name.

But Obinim is not alone.

Suddenly in this country, there are all these riff-raffs parading around as men you have called engaging in egregious, unholy transgressions that even I – neck deep in sin – will never contemplate. How does a man of God get to take pinch bar to a radio station in anger to cause such mayhem as Obinim did and turn around to lie about it? How does a man of God get to boast about how he has cursed a helpless, innocent infant to make her mentally-ill and paralyzed? I don’t get it.

I know your ways are not my ways but I have a very strong feeling that Obinim’s ways are not your ways either.

So, dearest Lord, my prayer to you today is very simple. I would like to know for sure who your men in this country truly are.

Could you please take up some advertising space in the Daily Graphic to publish a list of the Men of God in Good Standing? With this, we would all know who to listen to and who to pelt with eggs. I think you should publish similar lists in other countries and help humanity to know who the false prophets are. You said that in the end times we should beware of false prophets but how do we do this when we can’t tell who is original and who is an imitation? We need that list of the Men of God in Good Standing sooner rather than later.

Alternatively, you could also do well to give the people you call certificates to show to us that they have truly been called by you. Even in the days of yore, people required some proof of those who claimed you had sent them. Moses had to perform some miracles. Even Jesus was challenged every once in a while. But miracles don’t cut it anymore, because the ones we get these days are too soft. Now there are all these greedy bastard performing weird miracles and it is hard for most of us to tell whether or not they come from you. Could you go back to the days when miracles were really miracles? Like manner from above, feeding 5000 people with just five loaves of bread, turning water into wine and parting the deep blue sea in two? Your men should be up the ante by performing these miracles for us to be able to know those you truly called. Alternatively, please find a way to issue inimitable certificates to the people you call so that we know how to separate the few grains of wheat from the plentiful chaff.

Secondly, my Lord, I am tired of hearing people telling me things you have told them to come and tell me. You are not shy of me, are you? You created me. You created the heavens and the earth. You are all powerful, almighty, omnipotent and omnipresent. You should feel free to talk to – directly, any time. I know I may tremble in your presence and, maybe, even suffer a heart a heart attack. But you have my email address, you know my telephone number. Send me an email or an SMS. Just talk to me directly – not through an intermediary. From today on, with the greatest of respects, I am not going to listen to anyone who comes to me in your name to tell me cock and bull stories. If you have anything to tell me, you know where to find me. Just don’t send a fraudster like Obinim.

Thank you, most high gracious Father.

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